“Radiating Consciousness I am forever investigating into the depths of the soul of who I am.”
This is the purpose statement I wrote for myself in 2008, shortly after my 60th birthday. This was a time for new beginnings in my life. I was reaching into an awareness that though many of my siblings, friends and colleagues were discussing the idea of retirement, I was only reaching the half way point in my earthly life.
Sometime in my childhood I had considered what the measurement of age was and how would I grow to be older than everybody I knew. It was then that I considered that to live to 120 would be my goal. I don’t remember if I considered how I would do this but the number remained with me. Whenever a question would come up in conversation or some workshop asking me to vision into the future of my life, I recalled living to 120.
The year before my 60th birthday I found myself engaged in several life changing activities. After nearly 25 years of working in the mental health field as a recreation counselor, cottage supervisor and Group Home Administrator I had earned my Ordination as a Licensed Minister in the United Church of Religious Science. My plans were to travel and basically semi-retire and live out of my motor home. I had survived two long term partners, both died of AIDS related causes. Each of these relationships had provided direction, love and healing awareness to my experience. Knowing that I could not prevent death, I discovered that I found new meaning in life by being with death. I had also thought that I would not be in another long-term relationship at this stage of my life and career. Although I never gave up the opportunity to use affirmative prayer or ask others to pray for me in regards to relationship. The past twelve years seemed to confirm that I would remain single.
Closing the non-profit organization that contained the group home operation would take some time and effort. I set out to “put my affairs in order” as people often say and used some of this time to travel. Central and South America had a strong calling including two trips on the Inca trail to Machu Picchu. These trips allowed for a deep spiritual shift to happen within my soul and my affairs. On these trips I meet up with a Shaman, neither planned, and both times I experienced a deepening beyond words.
This experience of life transformation can truly rock the boat of life and call upon your inner power to rise to the occasion or perish. It has taken three years to close out the group home organization and all the holdings. At the same time, I was hired full time to be the Senior Minister at the Palm Springs Church of Religious Science. The synchronicity is not lost on my thoughts or left out of my material for Sunday messages. When you make plans, Spirit laughs and reveals what is really meant to happen. Grateful that I am aware of this, I did not resist and allowed events to flow through my life as God would have it so. The process has graphically demonstrated that there is no denying that consciousness, once set in motion, will lavish upon every individual the abundance and the enthusiasm to which they are open to receive.
My experience and efforts spent in the group home operation had allowed for the development of leadership skills, strengths and some cash reserves. When I was offered the position of Senior Minister in 2006, they had recently lost their minister to brain cancer and their bank account cash to embezzlement. Suffice it to say, “The ship was adrift without a skipper and there was no gold in the treasure chest.” Could I accept the position, guide the members through grief, loss and healing and raise funds to help pay my salary? Spirit chuckles heartedly about this knowing quite well that I cherish a challenge. Of course, I immediately said yes and begin to work on the transformation that I first thought was about them, to realize it was going to be my life which transformed allowing others to follow or choose a different path. There has been about an equal split between those who chose to leave and those who remained, each choosing a personal path. My journey had been about revealing consciousness, realizing what it means and radiating this awareness out into the world through demonstration and life activities.
Filled with certitude that this could change for the better I set my intentions and began to imagine good flowing to us. Within six months the cash was made available, I was paid in full and we hardly looked back. Struggles remain surrounding the increase of revenues to sustain the activity, but experience now on our side and we move forward with a greater ease and knowledge that we can do this. Once again Spirit has opened a pathway to experience life in the flow of abundance, strength and feeling good. With every experience, I am guided to go deeper and reveal this thing called Life to practice the Principles of Religious Science as taught by Dr. Ernest Holmes in the Science of Mind. With each step of accomplishment one creates an atmosphere of living the good life. Through an accumulation of success there is a willingness to explore new and different avenues of growth and living a principled life. Personal growth is heightened within a community that has felt deep wounds, loss of hope or lacking a sense of well-being.
During this time of evaluating where the Center was in its survival, I meet my husband. At a time when I wasn’t seeking a relationship, to be focused on the job at hand, love arrived in my life. Spirit knew full well my desires, wants and just when I needed an intimate, loving supportive being in my life, it happened. Once again, I smiled at how this Divine Intelligence can demonstrate and manifest the perfect outcome, especially when we get the small self out of the way. Such is the writing of Ralph Waldo Emerson, (Emerson, 1945), “I am constrained every moment to acknowledge a higher origin for events than the will I call mine”, The Over-Soul.
Renewed within the confines of my intimate life I gave my marriage vow on a promise to spend the next 60 years together in joy and exploration of life. Consciousness being the heart, and love the soul of all that is. I know this to be doable. The path, once chosen, will forever unroll before us, if we are disciplined in keeping our intention and our focus on the chosen path. No one can foresee the turns and rises along the path but one can trust in the Divine Intelligence to provide our every need in a timely fashion when we remain open to receive. How simple this truth is and yet how complicated we strive to make it so. It appears that humans have set out to test the very will of God despite having thousands of years in experience to show otherwise. Therefore, we continue to seek deep within to uncover and reveal truth and to do so through trial and concerted effort. Looking toward the next 60 years I chose the path of joy, love and wisdom. Requiring of myself to relax into the journey and move with each turn or twist in the same way a willow tree bends and flows with the passing wind. One way that will maintain my intention and focus is to find time and space to be in silence.
Silence, the practice of meditation, relaxation and release that opens the portals of the soul to allow the “still, quiet voice of Spirit” to speak directly to our conscious mind. Many have reached this point of silence in a most dramatic way where they are required to surrender to the Power Within as all exterior objects have fallen away. One definite example of this is the story “Conversations with God” by Neale Donald Walsch. (Walsch, 1996). With the crying of his heart drowning out all other sounds until finally he heard the voice of God. The voice was available within him for any question that he might be seeking an answer to, and patiently waiting for him to quiet his mind and ask. How often do we see someone randomly yelling out to no one and question their sanity, perhaps they know more than we suspect? Living in the object world has led us to believe there is more power in things than within our own soul. Yet, no matter how much we change the objects, the people, the environment we remain unhappy or angry or hateful without change from within. We can talk to God, but we need to get very quiet and silent to hear the response.